I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
did i just pee glitter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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