Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
