I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
