I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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