Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
