I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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