Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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