TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
