i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
