apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize