he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
