it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
