You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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