i think my tv is drunk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
