Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
