So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
