I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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