I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
