anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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