I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
