i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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