so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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