His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
