matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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