So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize