my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
