I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
