i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
