kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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