Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You smell like a Billy Joel song
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
