OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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