Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
