life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize