every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
