How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You work out of a Hotel?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
