Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
