He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
