Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
