You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
