Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
