Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
