I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
