The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
