We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
