I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize