You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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