Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
