Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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