hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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