Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
