hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
PANTIES FOUND
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
