Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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