I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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