Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
