Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
