Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
