it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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