feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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