Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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