I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
