I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
