i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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