I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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