No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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