I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
