I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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