Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
