he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
