I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
