Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
