TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
