Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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