It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
