when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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