is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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