bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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