there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
