i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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