My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
