I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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