me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
