we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
