He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
