'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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