and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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