Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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