My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
