if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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