Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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